The Alpha and His Contract Luna novel Chapter 12

[Warning: This chapter may be triggering to some.]

“I’m scared”

Alice looks up from her notepad and stares at me. Her eyes are intense as she asks me the question I’m not sure how to answer.

“Why is that?”

I think about that for a moment. Trying to sift through my jumbled mess of thoughts. There are a lot of things I’m scared of.

Losing control of Raya is at the top of my list. There is also the stalker that I seem to have acquired. I haven’t gotten anything else from him since he or she left those pictures in my room.

It’s been a couple of days since that day and since Darren boldly kissed me in front of the other Alphas.

What I’m afraid of currently doesn’t include Raya or the stalker though.

“What are you afraid of Mayra?” She leans forward in her seat. Repeating the question.

“Falling in love with Darren” I murmur, staring at my hands as if they were the most fascinating thing.

I’ve gone over the scenarios over and over in my head since Darren made his huge ass statement. I can see myself easily falling for him but will it be worth it in the end?

How can I be sure he won’t end up breaking my heart? Because loving someone basically gives them the power to destroy you if they choose to.

How then can I give someone that much control? And let us not forget the fact that he was mated to Ren. I could never compare to her, not only am I broken but she’s on a pedestal that is hard to get on.

“Isn’t love supposed to be a good thing, why then should you be afraid of it?” she asks. Her face gives nothing away.

I guess that’s how therapists are. They’re probably trained to remain calm and collected. Hiding their emotions behind their blank masks.

“Love can also be really really painful” I point out.

“Only with the wrong person and from what you’ve told me, Darren doesn’t seem to be the wrong person”

She’s right. Darren hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him. He hasn’t shown any hints of still being in love with Lauren. I mean for goddess’ sake. He did kiss me in front of her.

On her part, Ren seems to be okay with the idea of us together. Still, I can’t let the fear go.

“Maybe I’m painting his picture too perfectly, ignoring all the red flags because the sex is good between us”

She looks at me incredulously. “All I hear are excuses…what are you truly afraid of Mayra?”

Again she was right. I was making up excuses not to fall in love with him. Deep down I knew why I was behaving like this.

I was basically self-sabotaging. Trying to prevent myself from having a happy ever after because I believed it wouldn’t last.

I sigh in defeat. “We both know I’m broken, Alice, what if I get too close and he sees just how broken I truly am and he leaves me? It would shatter me”

Right now, everything is a novelty. Once we get close, I’ll have to open up to him. I’ll have to show him all my broken pieces. What if he can’t handle that? What if it’s too much for him? I won’t be able to survive if he breaks me after I’ve given him my heart. He would destroy the little piece of myself I have left.

“Mayra, a strong man, the right man will not give up on the woman he wants and loves because she went through something most people wouldn’t survive. Darren seems like the type not to back down from what he wants.”

“But what…” she interrupts me before I finish my sentence.

“Give him a chance. Give love a chance. You’re right, you don’t know how this will end. He may be the right man for you and he may not be but don’t you want to find out? Love is about taking a leap of faith into the unknown. It may be worth it in the end”

She continues before I can say anything else. “If you’re still afraid and aren’t sure you can ever let him in then let him go. Stop the nightly visits and cut the bud before it sprouts into anything serious on his part. Give him a chance to fall in love with a woman who will give him her all”

I sink into the seat and think about what she just said. Can I truly let Darren go? Taking the sex out of the equation, can I give him up? I have never felt a strong connection to any man before. Not even with Sebastian and he was my fated mate.

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. “I don’t think I can let him go”