Hana was startled. "What did you...what did you say?"
The Zayn that she saw had a depressed, hopeless, miserable, and helpless expression on his face. He was originally such a mature and reliable man. However, at that moment, he seemed like a homeless and incomparably helpless child. He was so pitiful, and he kept having a catch in his throat. Hana could clearly tell that Zayn was trying his best to suppress his tears.
She saw Zayn gradually raise his head and look at her with despair. "Your daughter doesn't want me anymore because I am like a castrated man. The doctor said that I am infertile. I am not a man, I am a... useless person. To put it nicely, I am a useless person. I f it were to be said bluntly, then I...am neither a man nor woman?" This was the greatest blow Zayn had suffered in thirty-two years of his life.
He had broken his legs during the six years he spent being on the run with Sabrina, and he had spent a few years in a wheelchair, but he did not feel that it was a big deal. However, when the doctor announced that he was infertile, he truly had broken down. He had no idea who he could still drive all the way here. He looked at Hana with a pale face.
"I...am fine. I'm fine. I'm just here to see if you are feeling better today. After all, you're hospitalized
because of me. I...am fine. I have already thought it through. It's fine if I am infertile. I have a sister, anyway, and she will have children in the future. Also, I have Aino. Aino is the closest child to me. It’s just being infertile! It doesn’t matter."
The way he forced himself to be calm made Hana feel incomparably heartbroken. Hana called out gently," Mister...mister Smith. Just cry if you feel like it. Lay on this cover. It's fine even if you bawl your eyes out. Otherwise, you'll suffer from holding it in."
Zayn was speechless.
"Just cry it out. You'll feel better after crying," Hana continued to encourage Zayn.
Zayn’s tears had already gushed out like a broken dam. He finally bawled his eyes out, his sobs were incomparably repressed. It sounded like a goshawk's whimpering cry. Hana, who was sitting on the bed, felt extremely heartbroken when she heard it.
At that moment, she also did not know what to say. She greatly sympathized with Zayn. However, Hana selfishly thought that if Zayn did not have that ability, then would Tessa not be just like those grass widows who could not experience consummation if she married him? After that, would she also not have her own children in her life? Therefore, Hana felt relieved when she heard Zayn say that Tessa had broken up with him for that reason. She felt relieved because Tessa had cut her loss early. However, Hana felt even more guilty towards Zayn.
She continuously patted Zayn on his back. "Mister Smith, don't be upset. I also don't know how I should advise you. I can only say that there are a lot of miserable people in this world. There are many people who have it worse than us, but they also have to continue living. Look at me. Although I had my child, didn't my daughter also not acknowledge me?
"Also, my aunt was widowed at a young age. She raised my cousin with great difficulty, but my cousin was imprisoned for involuntary manslaughter. In order to raise my cousin's young son, my aunt had suffered in silence while being someone’s wife for ten years. In the end, she did not get anything out of it.
"In comparison to my aunt, you're still very young. Perhaps the medical field will be even more developed in the future, and you will be cured. Just like your legs. They were originally paralyzed, but haven't you also recovered? You have to have more confidence in yourself. Don't be upset. Relax your mind and body. Perhaps your condition will be miraculously cured one day.”
Hana knew that what she said was all nonsense.
However, she could only slowly and gently tell Zayn that. Zayn cried a half an hour, and it was that kind of inconsolable bawling. It was fortunate that it was lunchtime then, so there were only a very few doctors and nurses on duty. Zayn was also crying under the covers, so he did not alarm others.
He had no idea why he would cry his heart out in
Hana's ward.
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