The Indifferent Ex-Husband: Heartstrings in the Mall of Fate novel Chapter 552

When I first started writing this letter, I felt like I had a ton of stuff to spill to you, but then again, I was kinda at a loss for what to actually say.

It's like we've been tight this whole time, but there's always been this massive mountain range between us that we just can't seem to bridge.

I tried to step into your world once, but no dice - I couldn't find the way in. Then I tried to distance myself from your world, but I couldn't shake it off; guess that's just fate doing its thing.

People always say, 'You pay off in this life what you owe from the last.' Whenever life throws me a curveball, I can't help but comfort myself by thinking that maybe my whole purpose this time around on Earth is to settle all the emotional debts from my past life. Once I'm square, I can ascend back to where I came from. Sure, it's a bit of a childish, mystical thought, but it does help me face the sucky stuff with a bit more chill.

It's the same deal this time around.

Truth be told, for the longest time, I didn't have the guts to waltz back into your world. We didn't tie the knot because of love, nor did we untie it because love was missing - it was just a bad fit. Yet, this fact that we both nodded to two years ago, we have to revisit and shatter it because of the kiddo.

I often say your world is too far out of reach for me, not just because of our social standing but probably because of our different upbringings leading to different core values.

I remember back in Wye City we chewed over this stuff - you just wanted a life, while I was after love.

I was adopted, not really wanted by my mom, and it was only after begging my dad with tears and snot that I got to stay. I had a family but didn't really have one. Growing up, I always wanted to know what it felt like to be loved - by family, by a husband. It's like, you live your life and there's stuff you've never had, you just gotta try it out once, right? So I get kinda hung up on whether there's love or not.

You never lacked love growing up, but you did lack company. Maybe that's why companionship means more to you. I don't know if I'm on the money with this take on you, and if I'm off-base, don't sweat it.

Because I was so hung up on love, I couldn't come to terms with our marriage. Spending my first half in a loveless environment and facing the prospect of spending the second half the same way was downright despairing for me. So for a good while, I resisted any suggestion you made, including getting back together for Theresa's sake.

It's like, the more you lack something in life, the more you crave it. For a long time, I was stuck in this unrealistic fixation and ended up hurting you and Theresa. I'm really sorry for that.