“Ellie, my brother committed suicide.”
“W-what?!”
Kaela didn’t say anything. She just kept on crying. My heart was beating so fast.
“Kaela please tell me you are kidding. Ulie did what?” I said a bit shaking.
But again Kaela did not answer and just kept on crying. My children started to ask me what happened because my tears are flowing again.
I took a deep breath. I need to gather myself together because my children are with me. I can’t tell them about what happened.
I shake my head and smiled at them. “Nothing. Your Aunt Kaela just wanted me to see your dad.”
They just nodded but I know that they are not convinced by my answer.
We went straight to the hospital. I called Luna and asked her to go to the hospital because I needed her to take care of my children.
When we reached the hospital Luna was already there.
“I heard what happen. How is he?” She said upon seeing me.
“I don’t know yet. I need to talk to Kaela first. Can you get the kids and take care of them?” I asked.
Luna nodded. “Don’t worry. Just leave the kids to me and go to Ulysses. He needs you. And please find it in your heart to forgive him.”
I just showed her a forced smile and nodded at her. “Thank you.”
Then I went to the information booth and ask for Ulie’s room.
When I reached the VIP room, I saw Kaela and Quen outside the room. Kaela was crying hard while Quen was comforting her.
Seeing Kaela and Quen made me more nervous. I was silently praying to God to make Ulie safe. I might lose my sanity if I lost Ulie too. I just learn to let go of my parents after so many years. And the thought of Ulie and my children as my new family help me to finally let go of my parents.
Please Lord keep Ulie safe. My children needed their father. I also needed him. Please almighty God saves him.
I did my best to gather myself and walk in their direction. Kaela saw me, she runs towards me and hugs me tightly.
I tap her back to console her. “How is he?” I asked.
She broke from the hug and wipe her tears. “He is stable now as per the doctor.”
Hearing that Ulie is now stable made me a bit at ease. I thank the Lord immediately.
Kaela grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Please Ellie, help us. We don’t know what to do anymore. I know it's hard for you because you lost your family, but please help us with my brother. I don’t want to lose him. I can kneel here if that's what you want.” She said sounding so desperate.
My tears fell again after hearing those things from Kaela. They did nothing but good to me. They don’t deserve to be hurt like this.
“You don’t need to kneel at me, Kaela. No one is at fault. It was an accident. And I should be the one apologizing to Ulie and your family because I blame him and call him names he doesn’t deserve.”
“I was so selfish and only think about myself and my suffering. I did not consider how difficult it is for your brother to carry the guilt that he doesn’t deserve. I was about to go and reconcile with him because finally, I realize that I was wrong but I was too late.”
Kaela shakes her head. “You are not late. My brother is stable now. You can still reconcile with him and be happy. Thank you, Ellie, for giving him a chance. He loves you so much that he wanted to take his life to give you justice.” She said while her voice was breaking.
“But that is not the justice that I want,” I told Kaela.
She nodded. “I know.”
When Kaela and I settled, I took a deep breath before I decided to go inside Ulie’s room. I saw his parents crying beside him.
I swallowed hard. I feel nervous, I am not sure if they will still accept me for Ulie. I was the one who causes him pain.
“Auntie, uncle,” I called them.
They both look in my direction. Auntie Adelia went to me and hug me. I can feel the warmth of her hug. I can’t believe that they can still hug me after all the pain that I caused their son. I am surely blessed to have the Escarrer family in my life.
“Thank you for coming Ellie. My son needs you right now. You are the only person who can convince him to stop doing this to himself. We are all afraid that if he woke up, he might take his life again.” Auntie Adelia said while sobbing.
“I’m sorry Auntie, I was the one who pushes Ulie to do this. If I did not hate him that much-” I was not able to finish what I’m about to say because Auntie cut me off already.
“We understand where your anger coming from. You lost your parents at an early age. You suffered for many years. We already expected your reaction but we believe that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive my son and you will give my son a chance.” Auntie Adelia said.
I smiled at Auntie Adelia. I can’t believe that I am hearing this after what happened to Ulie. I look at Uncle Laertes to see his reaction. He just smiles and nodded at me.
I was left alone with Ulie. He was sleeping peacefully. I look down and saw her wrist covered with bandages.
I touch his hair and caress it. I remember the things that my parents told me about Ulie’s inner struggle.
“Baby, listen to us. Stop blaming Ulie for the accident. He never wanted it to happen. He suffered enough. You need to help him to let go of the guilt that he was carrying for years.” This was the exact word that my mother told me about Ulie’s inner pain.
My mom also told me that his mind couldn’t take the pain that he is feeling at that time, the reason why his mind shut his memories about me and the accident.
I may have suffered from my parent's death, but Ulie also suffered from it. The guilt did not leave him even if he lost his memory of the accident.
He was always anxious whenever we reach any stoplight. I finally know the reason why he was always like that.
I think Ulie suffered more than me seeing him trying to take his life. Dealing with guilt is hard. And blaming him when he was already dealing with his guilt made it harder.
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