Where We Belong novel (Ava and Blaze) Book 1 novel Chapter 92

Chapter 92

"Well" I sang not being able to stop my grin. "Be kinda hard putting me over your knee when I'm like this. Would it not?".

"Don't get cocky sweets and less of the attitude it doesn't suit you" He grinned sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Do you know what?" I asked about to change the subject completely and I had no idea what was going to happen but it had to come out. What I had been thinking and keeping to myself since I had woken up from the accident.

"What?"

"I'm a complete bitch and you should want nothing to do with me" I said watching the smile fall from his face. "I am Blaze I'm a horrible person".

"Where is all of this coming from?" He asked edging himself closer to me.

"Everyone around here thinks I'm this innocent little thing and they all fuss over me even you. Heck Blaze I was with you and then I was with your brother. What sort of a person does that?". I had to step into reality because what I had done wasn't right. "I slept with you in a closet while I was meant to be with your brother. You shouldn't want to be with me and you should hate me" I whispered swallowing the lump in my throat. I wasn't about to cry because I didn't deserve to cry.

"Stop it right now" He snapped getting to his feet. "He got inside your head, he's good at that".

So he's blaming Nate?

"No Blaze don't blame Nate this was all me. I thought I could have been happy with Nate and the time we spent together made me believe it even more".

"Ava shut your-..."

"No" I yelled cutting him off "I don't deserve this whole tippy toeing around me. I hated you for what you did to me but I did something worse to you".

"I pushed you to him" He sighed running a hand through his hair. "I broke your heart and you found comfort in my brother. Doesn't mean your a bad person sweets". Taking a seat he placed his hand on top of mine.

"You don't get it" I sighed closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. "Why aren't you blaming me? Why can't anyone see what I did was wrong?".

"Where is all of this coming from?" He asked as he let go of my hand so he could light up a smoke.

"Been thinking about this since I woke up from the accident. It scared the hell out of me Blaze and I could have died. I got in to deep with everything, with you and Nate and what I had done. I was never that person Blaze and I didn't think I'd become that person but I did" I whispered feeling the loan tear roll down my cheek.

"Baby..."

"Stop being nice to me" I croaked turning my head so I didn't have to look at him. I felt ashamed.

Grabbing my chin gently he turned my head so I was forced to look at him. "You aren't a bad person and don't bother interrupting just let me finish. You are the sweetest most kind hearted girl I have ever met. You save life's for a living, you're always looking after everyone else but yourself. I hurt you badly and I will regret it for the rest of my life and honestly I'm the one to blame for everything you did. You think you done something horrible because you accidentally met my brother. You didn't know who he was baby and yeah maybe you did like spending time with him and that's okay. You did something every other girl on this earth would have done but spending time with a guy isn't a bad thing. You liked him and you enjoyed his company, he made you feel special and after everything I had put you through you needed someone to be there for you and that someone was Nate".

"But he was your brother I should have stopped the minute I found that out".

"Doesn't matter that it was my brother, it could have been a random you met at the supermarket. I wound have still been pissed about it but I accepted well tried to accept that you had moved on"

"But I- I hadn't" I stuttered opening up the old can of worms. So much for not mentioning it again. "I tried to distance myself from the club from everyone even my parents. I thought that if I kept busy and kept my distance it would go away but it never did and I don't think it ever will. I occupied myself and I hate myself for saying this but Nate was there and he was nice to me. He made me forgot about everything you did but still it wouldn't go away. And do you know how hard that is? Do you know how much it hurts?" I asked feeling drained physically and emotionally.

"Ava what are you trying to say exactly?" He asked his eyebrows creased just like they always did when he was confused or didn't understand.