Chapter 125
Harper
"It would be so much easier if I still didn't feel like shit!"
I throw myself onto my bed as Sadie paces back and forth as if that's going to help the trauma of the day. Why can't things be easier?
I do love him. I do. I just feel betrayed. Hurt.
And exhausted, quite honestly, I could nap for ten days and probably still not feel rested.
Maybe it's the fact that I was so sick and jumped right back into school, the trauma of my mom finding us, or feeling guilty over not telling my parents about the love of my life.
Wow, take your pick.
"He's an asshole,’ she finally says. "Let him sweat it out a bit."
“Would you?"
I ask. "Let Ryan sweat it out?
Or would you communicate?
Hear him out?
Be mature?
I don't even know what I want to do. One minute, I want to run Easton over, the next I want to hold him and never let go.
He's mine, Sadie. Mine. I love him. I just...I don't understand this side of him. The one that's still holding back, the one that's afraid.”
She sighs. “Love is scary, babe. No matter how young or old you are.
It has no prejudices, it is what it is. One day, it cuts you so deep you think you might bleed out, the next day you wonder how you ever lived without that feeling.
It doesn't take sides. It simply exists and you live in it because on those good days, the really good fucking days, you can't imagine waking up without your person.
You can't imagine breathing one more second without that person holding your hand and standing by your side.
So yeah, while this all sucks, I know if you really love each other, you'll get through it, fight for it, and come out on the other side. Until then.”
She claps her hands. “He's dead to us.”
I laugh, I can't help it, and then I burst into tears again. "I'm sorry, I'm just so emotional these days.
I hate that I missed school when I was sick, and I feel so much pressure over finals and getting into college.
Things with Aisha still feel like a true crime story ready to unravel and Blake..."
I stop myself. Sadie tilts her head. "Blake seemed extra friendly today. Wanna talk about that?"
I shrug. "He was pretty tame. Normal.
He wanted to be my partner in gym. I let him because honestly everyone else was pairing up while I was throwing a pity party and he just seemed...nice."
"Was he nice?"
she asks, examining her fingernails. "For Blake, I mean, since all the Aisha shit?”
"He was. We had fun."
I smile. "He barely flirted and it at least distracted me for nearly an hour, which I totally needed.”
She nods. "I still think something's off there."
"Yeah."
I don't tell her that I'm back to wondering what exactly is off because I can't put my finger on it. "Maybe. I don't know. Either way, it was a horrible day and I hate that I can't talk to him...”
"Blake?"
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