Married with the Broken Hearted CEO novel Chapter 54

Is that the reason why you asked me to make you pregnant before the divorce?
Because until now, you believe that there is no us. That someone owns my heart and you don’t stand a chance to even touch it, or just look at it. 
Yet, I cannot blame you.
You are a person who doesn’t need love because you never received. And here I am, a living proof for you that relationship is as just a term. 
I looked at my wife who was sleeping in my arms and felt the throbbing pain inside my chest. 
Sorry is not enough. 
Kneeling in front of her isn’t enough too. 
Right at this moment, I just want to kill myself for letting you see that. 
“Adira and I aren’t in a relationship,” Geoffrey said. 
I stared back at him with embarrassment written on my face. 
I hate it that they came together but… Who am I to feel this? What rights do I have to shout and utter my disappointment? 
I am just a husband in paper. 
A husband who wronged her all the time. 
“But if you keep being a bastard, I don’t know what I might do next, Chadwick,” Geoffrey threatened.
Before I could reply, Geoffrey turned around and walked away. 
I kept my mouth shut as I brought Adira inside my room. 
She always locked her room before going out, so, it left me no choice but to lend her my bed. When I laid her down, Adira moved a little bit, chewing when there’s nothing inside her mouth. 
This is the first time I saw her sleeping face. It is worth watching. Her brows, long lashes, small and pointed nose, luscious red lips, her neck, her collar bone, her…
I shook my head to eradicate these lustful thoughts. 
I am such a bastard! 
Even after I heard that she saw me and Isa kissing inside the car, I still dared lusting over her body. 
“I should die. Let’s die, Chadwick,” I said to myself and slapped at my cheek. 
When I felt the tingling on my face, my senses came back. 
I looked at the blank space of my room and thought about the night of the event. 
After I pushed Isa away, I walked out of the car and went to the comfort room to wash my face. 
It is a kiss that I did not intend to happen. I kept on holding to the belief that Isa only did that because she’s drunk but I felt… 
I felt dirty. 
She’s my first love. That’s the fact. But the kiss she gave me isn’t as sweet and intoxicating as the first kiss I had with my wife. 
It made me want to throw up or even slice a part of my lips. 
I knew it right then, that there is no space for another woman inside my heart. Adira is what I want. Adira can only make me damn happy and contented. 
And that woman, I hurt her. I made her feel like a person in the sideline who had to disappear from my life. 
“So how can I face you after this?” I asked that to myself. 
Slowly, I turned around and stared at my sleeping wife again. 
Adira scratched her nape and then raised her legs. As she raised her legs, I saw her…
“Sh*t!” 
I quickly pulled the blanket to cover her lower body. It was too fast, but I saw it. I really saw her red panty. 
Heat ran from my head to the tip of my toes. Gulping nonstop didn’t even help for calming the wild beast inside of me. 
“No. Think of good thoughts. Think of good thoughts,” I tried to hypnotized myself. But when I gawked at her face again, the lust came to me like a monster. 
This is torture. 
Every time she asked me to touch her, I was always stuck between my urges and my fear; fear for being alone after she got what she wanted, and boiling urges when she's defenseless like now and my mind filled with evil thoughts.
Once again, I shook my head and took a deep breath. 
Acting that I calmed down, I opened the small cabinet beside my bed. This is where I put my wedding ring that I rarely wear. 
D-shape rose gold ring; I put it on my finger with a long sigh.
 "I was the one who suggested that we shouldn't wear this. Look who's regretting right now?" Chuckling as I lay down beside her, I watched Adira’s face shone by the faint light coming from my lamp.
My frozen lips which suddenly felt hot just by looking at her have opened.
Even though I knew it's too late and that is might be useless right now, I uttered the words that I kept inside me
"I love you."
“...” 
“I love you, Adira.” 
“...” 
Her eyelids shook. Suddenly, her brown eyes appeared. When our gaze met, I felt that the world seemed to have slowed down. And with that in my mind, my heart picked up its courage. 
Drowsy, Adira looked at me as if keeping it opened was a huge task. 
"Is this a dream?" she breathed.
"Hmmm. It's a dream," I lied.
"Weird. You kept on appearing on my dream lately."
"You dream about me?” 
“Hmmm. I did.” 
“What kind of dream?” 
“You stole my cereal. You ate my ice cream. You are the soldier ghost we saw in the horror house. You fell down on the mud. And you drink cola using your nose.” 
I chuckled after hearing those weird dreams she had. 
“It seems I am always the villain in your dream.” 
“Hmmm,” she mumbled. “But, it’s fun. Being with you is oddly fun.” 
“...” 
“The date we had is the most fun day in my life. I guess so.” 
I stared at her who keeps my heart beating so fast while listening. 
“I don’t hate you. I just think you are… an idiot.” 
“Yes,” I laughed in a low voice. “I also think that.” 
“And I am jealous at that. I don’t want to admit it but, I wish I could be an idiot too. Because I am always smart all the time.” 
Even when she’s half sleep, she’s oozing with confidence. 
“Anyway, this is just a dream, right?” she asked. 
I nodded my head. “Hmmm.” 
“I knew it,” she murmured then closed her eyes. “Because there’s no way I will be on the same bed with my husband.” 
I watched her shoulder move up and down. 
And when I thought she’s no longer conscious, I cupped her cheek and mumbled, “Sweet dreams, my Adira.” 
In that cold night, I leaned closer to kiss her, and unexpectedly, her lips parted to receive mine. 
We shared each other’s warm in a dream that wasn't really a dream.