Married with the Broken Hearted CEO novel Chapter 83

Adira’s POV
I drove back home while thinking of the life I wanted once the divorce was done. 
Surely, it will be hard to remarry after this, given my age. Getting pregnant is difficult too. All in all, my plans in the beginning failed. 
“I will just adopt a daughter,” I whispered to myself while entering the house. “A son is hard to manage,” I continued, then left my heels behind. 
After tapping my feet on the doormat, I walked North but ceased my steps when I sniffed the reeking smell of alcohol. 
The lights in the living room were off so I groped for the switch by using the faint light coming from the kitchen. When brightness enveloped the surrounding, I saw my husband on the couch.
‘He’s here? I went back home earlier than usual because I thought he’d come back late. But it seems he did not even come to work today.’ 
My eyes went to the bottles of empty wine on the center table near a piece of paper and a pen. 
When I looked back at him, I noticed that his face is, so red. Hie eyes looks heavy while he’s resting his chin at the back of his hands. He’s staring at the television, but probably, he already saw me coming using his peripheral vision but only pretended ignorant. 
 Once again, I looked at the paper on the center table near the wine bottles. 
‘Did he drink because of the divorce paper I left there before going to work?’ 
He was the one who suggested divorce. I am just making it easy for him. 
While I was deciding whether to talk to him or pretend to be invisible, my husband’s voice came. 
“Come here,” he commanded and turned his head. 
When our eyes met, the surroundings were filled with such intensity.
‘Surely, he’s not in the right state of mind.’ 
“I don’t want to,” I replied. “You are drink.” 
His shoulders went up, then down as he released a long sigh before standing up. 
I watched him approach me while his hands were inside his pocket. As he went closer, the smell of the alcohol got stronger. Suddenly, he reached for my hand, cupped my cheeks and…
‘Sh*t! He’s out of his mind!’ 
Chadwick kissed me out of nowhere! 
 I tried to push him away, but he pinned me on the wall while holding my hands captive. But I did not give up. I struggled between his strong body and the wall behind me, and soon was freed. 
Chadwick pulled back, catching his breath while staring at my eyes. His lips were tainted by my red lipstick which made him looks undeniably sexy. 
‘I really hate how my mind works at this moment.’ 
“Isn’t this what you want?” he murmured. “You wanted to have a baby so why are you refusing?” 
I do. I do want to use him for my own greed. But if I'll bear his child, then escaping from their mess is impossible.
"All this time, you didn't see me as your husband," he uttered then placed his hands above my shoulder. "You just wanted to use me and live happily with your child."
I wanted to say, 'You're doing the same thing,' but since there's no point of proving something to a drunkard, I pursed my mouth.
"So, do it. Use me," he whispered before he placed me back and steady against the wall. Warmness settled on my neck, nibbling it and maybe leaving a mark on it. I'm not a saint that won't get affected and so, my mouth opened with a small moan. "C-Chadwick," I called his name as if I am begging him for something.
His hand roamed from my shoulder down to my back; it pulled me close to his body and I felt his hardness; pressing his body so much, I was sandwiched between him and the cold wall. From my neck, his kisses went upward, and he didn't fail because my lips were already parted to receive his.
There were sloppy sounds coming from our mouth as we kept on kissing deeply and I just couldn't ignore it.
'If we don't stop... we might do it. I might get what I wanted but I'll probably regret it. Yes, I will. And so...'
"I don't love you," is what I've said between our kisses.
Chadwick froze. He slowly moved back, staring at me in a close gap.
"You're right," I said while catching my breath. "Doing this with someone you don't love is wrong. Now I know why you refused me so much before."
It’s a lie. 
His kiss. 
His touch.
All of those, I love it even if I said to myself that I have no feelings for him. But I had to lie. 
Chadwick moved backward then bowed his head. "Ri...ght," his voice cracked in the middle. He turned around after shoving his hands inside his pocket again. "So, I already signed the paper. See you in the court, and let's start from zero."
I see.
So, Chadwick already signed the paper. But his actions opposed his words. What did he mean by starting from zero?