Planned Baby novel Chapter 37

I promise myself that I will never fall in love with Ulie again. He broke my heart once, and he can do it again if I let myself fall for him again. I thought that I will never meet him again, but fate has its way. He became the father of my children and now we are living together.

He always tried to win my heart but I always rejected him. I can see that he changed a lot compared to when we were in college. He’s more mature and responsible now. But I can’t accept him because I am afraid that I will get hurt again because of him. I am also not sure if he likes me for me or just because of the twins.

After hearing that he once tried to end his life, everything changed. It pains me from thinking that I will lose him forever. I don’t think I can handle that. I want him to remember me completely but if remembering me means the possibility of him remembering his trauma and will encourage him to end his life then I don’t want it anymore.

We can build a new memory together. I decided to forget the past and just focus on the present, not just for me or Ulie but for our kids.

“Ellie.”

“Dahlia, I’m glad you agreed to meet me.”

Dahlia is my spiritual leader in our church. I always go to her whenever I am down, or when I am extremely happy. He was like a mother to me. She was there when I lost my parents. Without her, I don’t think I can get through everything that I went through. I called her today because I needed her advice about my decision.

“Of course, I’m always available for you.” She said in a gentle voice.

I hug her. “Thank you, Dahlia, you are the best.”

“Enough of your sweet talk, tell me why you want to meet me.”

I chuckled then I sighed aloud. We were both seated in our favorite spot in this café.

“I decided to give Ulie a chance.” I started my speech.

She just nodded and ask me to continue.

“I found out that he had Dissociative amnesia. It’s a kind of amnesia where a person blocks certain information in his life. He got that trauma when he had an accident 11 or 12 years ago. As per his parents and his doctor, when he found out about his accident after being in a coma for three months, he committed suicide due to guilt because someone died during that accident. And for some reason, he didn’t remember that he had an accident and tried to kill his life. And just recently he found out that he also loses our college memories. But the funny part is, I was the only one he can’t remember, the rest of his college life he remembers.”

“He wanted to remember me but I stopped him. I am scared that if he does, he might remember the accident and the reason why he tried to commit suicide. And I don’t want that.” My voice broke and my tears began to fall.

I continued my story while I was wiping my tears that keep on coming. “When I found out about it, I can’t be still. Just thinking of losing him made me go crazy. I accepted the thing that I always tried to deny to myself, that I fell in love with him again. It’s stronger now compare before that’s why I gave him the chance to prove his love for me.”

Dahlia went closer to me and gave me a warm hug. “You did great Ellie. Always remember that everything happened for a reason. Always trust the plan of God in your life. There is a reason why God allowed him to lose his memory of you, and God also has a reason why you end up doing that crazy plan of yours with him. But still, it doesn’t mean that what you did is right. You decided on your own and refuse to follow the right process of having a child or family.”

“I know you got your heartbroken because of him but I don’t want you to hate love or restrain yourself from falling in love. You experience being loved by your parents and your saw how much your parents love each other. And remember in the bible it says, three things will last forever: faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love. Never be scared of loving someone. Do not deprive yourself to love and be loved. You are worthy of love.”

This is exactly what I needed. I feel calmer now.

I hug her again. “Thank you, Dahlia. Thank you for always being there for me especially when I needed you the most.”

After I met with Dahlia, I went straight home. I did not tell the twins that I will come home late today, I’m sure that they are waiting for me tonight.

When I reach home, my forehead creased because the living room is too dark. Did they go to sleep already? Then I noticed that the lights opened but were a bit dimmed. I saw petals that have been scattered on the floor, then candles that seems like pointing in a direction. I followed the candles; it’s pointing in the dining room. I saw Amelia in a waiter costume.

“Good evening Ma’am. I will now guide you to your reserved table.” She said in a serious voice.

I knew that I need to go with her acting but I wanted to tease he a bit. “But I don’t remember that I ask for a reservation.”

Amelia flinched but she recovers fast.